Dear Ms Wonderbra,
It has come to our attention that you are incredibly bad at being an adolescent.
Basically you’re a crotchety old hag, only with zits. You spend all your time griping about your health, drinking tea, and (granted, for reasons other than most old ladies, but still) despairing about the fate of your country and it’s people. Oh, and you’ve already given up on getting any sort of romantic partner. So yes, well done you.
I mean, just look at your room. You haven’t got any posters on your wall (Don’t try to tell us that one counts. A political campaign poster of the SNP? Give us a break.)
Your little sister has taken up about 90% of the room with various toys whereas you have been confined to your small fold out bed in the corner. So tell me, where are you supposed to go if you need some alone time with a guy huh? Not that there ever will be a guy as you appear to have turned ASEXUAL!
Honestly, you used to be so good at all of this what with that almost pregnancy scare and the time you spent two hours wandering about topless during a party and not giving a damn!
Not to hurt your feelings or anything, but you are an embarrassment to your generation. Therefore, could you please climb into the freezer and wait very quietly until your teenage years end?
Thank you.
Yours sincerely,
The Association of Adolescents
P.S. Also, you don’t seem to understand how to get a tan. Are you afraid of the light? Or do your parents just lock you in the basement?
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